Old and Dusty Random Stuff
How to Have Fun at Walmart
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: "Code 3 in housewares". See what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a "Caution - Wet Floor" sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9.. Look right into a security camera, use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he/she knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible".
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream: "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"
15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while, and then yell loudly: "Excuse me, but there is no toilet paper in here!"
Just Random
I don't know what to call this, but Josh sent it to me.
Doctor: Well Rudolph, we finally figured out what makes your nose red.
Rudolph: Is it Pixie dust...or leprechaun tails?
Doctor: No, it's a tumor.
Rudolph: You mean, like a magical Christmas tumor?
Doctor: No, a malignant tumor, the base of which is lodged deep within your brain.
Rudolph: Oh.....like a happy, special--
Doctor: You're going to die.
Two Tough Questions
From an e-mail...
Question 1:
If you knew a women who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, 3 who were deaf, 2 who were blind, 1 mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the answer for this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates.
Candidate A- Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B- He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C- He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.
Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer.
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Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolf Hitler.
And by the way, the answer to the abortion question: If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven. Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember: Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
Another question/riddle:
Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
*29 have been accused of spousal abuse
*7 have been arrested for fraud
*19 have been accused of writing bad cheques
*117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
*3 have done time for assault
*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
*14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
*8 have been arrested for shoplifting
*21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
*84 gave been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.