Hilarious Bits From Other People's Replies...
Select answers from some of my friends replies...
--What color pants are you wearing right now: You're just assuming I'm wearing pants? -Josh
--If you were a crayon what color would you be: slightly greasy thanks
--Do you like the person who sent this to you: Hey suga...send me ONE more stupid fuckin chain email and I'm gonna rip out your ovaries, inflate them with helium, and give them to poor children as balloons. -Josh
--What was the last thing you ate: My brother -Frog
--What did you do last night: took a couple shots of whiskey, shared a bowl of brown sugar, field-dressed a cat...come on, I read my brother a book. -Frog
--Favorite smells: Mint, coffee, butterscotch (also gunpowder, diesel, etc.: you get the picture.)
--Rather be dumper or dumped: this question requires too much thinking. -Karen
--Want someone you don't have right now: do CDs count? -Karen
--Sports team: I swear I already answered this... -Karen
--What is your favorite professional sports team? What are those? -Dave
--Are you a dog person or a cat person? I prefer genetic mutants -Dave
--Ever wanted to get revenge on someone: yes, but I have also done pretty poorly -Dave
This is Josh's whole survey. I couldn't resist. It's so insane.
tra-la-la-la-la death is everywhere. tra-la-la-la-la enjoy the casserole. tra-la-la-la-la hope u enjoy this short look into my life, all answers original USDA choice josh!
1. If you had to choose an alias, what would it be? Frodo. Go with the flow, you know...
2. Where were you on 9/11? On earth.
3. What is your ideal vacation? The ninth sphere of hell.
4. How many first cousins do you have? 0
5. How do you take your pizza? Slightly charred, thanks
6. If you could be fluent in any foreign language, what would it be? Klingon
7. What is your favorite website? Well...technically it'll be my favorite when I'm 18...me being the law abiding citizen I am can't go to that site till then...right...
8. If you could experience another era of history, which would it be? Last Tuesday. It was a good day.
9. What is your favorite genre of movies? Blood, gore, death, hardcore porn...the works...
10. If you could have any one superpower, what would it be? The ability to turn my tongue into pudding. I love pudding. Or beer. Or beer flavored pudding. Or pudding flavored beer.
11. Can you whistle? Like a birdy.
12. If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be? The dog that lived next to Chernobyl. RAWR!
13. Who is your favorite fictional character? You
14. Star Wars of Star Trek? TREK, BITCH
15. What is your favorite beverage? The blood of the innocents
16. What brand of toothpaste do you use? what's that shit called again? Oh yeah...beer
17. What is your favorite professional sports team? GESTAPO!
18. Are you "indoorsy" or "outdoorsy"? sexual reference time!
19. What was your earliest childhood memory? My mother tells me I was dropped on my head 12 times. I think she's lying because I can remember everything after the 14th.
20. If you could play any musical instrument, what would it be? Your face! With my fist!
21. What's your favorite accent? Elvish...arwen...yum
22. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? A hobo, tho I figured if I got lucky I could open up a beer factory. Or a pudding factory. Or a beer and pudding factory. Or a factory made entirely of pudding. Or a factory made entirely of beer flavored pudding. Or...
23. Are you a dog person or a cat person? They're both ok with gravy.
24. If they were making a movie or TV show of your life, who would you choose to play you? Elijah wood...little prick better do a damn good job or I'll go all sauron on his sorry hobbit ass.
25. What is your favorite element? (earth, fire, air, water) Are pudding, beer, or roasted cat elements?
26. If you could compete in any event in the Olympics... Midget Toss
27. What is your favorite Sunday comic strip? YOUR MOM!
28. What kind of music do you listen to? The screams of my man-servants.
29. What is your favorite breakfast cereal? Tampon-O's with a little bit of type-A blood for flavor. Plus dry cereal is icky.
*1. Initials: JFK
*2. Natural hair color: Hobbit
*3. Current hair color: Dead Hobbit
*4. Eye color at birth: Screaming Hobbit
*5. Current eye color: Really, really, really, really, really really pissed off hobbit.
*6. Height: 5 foot yo momma
*7. Glasses/contacts: Nope
*8. Birthdate: 6/25/89
*9. Sign: cancer
*10. Current age: 14
*11. Siblings' names: Jillian
*12. Location: In your mind, slowly raping it of all knowledge. Prepare yourself human, for in a short time you shall be reduced to a mindless, twitching thing and I shall possess all that you know! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ha!
*13. School attending: tlc (torturing little children, the lesbian center, or the learning clinic...you choose)
*14. Current grade: 9
*15. GPA: generally paternal asshat?
*16. College plans: don't rush me jackass
*17. Planned college major: village idiot...A++ here I come!
*18. Planned college minor: drunken brawler. Beware.
*19. Any piercings: *makes sound of small child being impaled on bone shards*
*20. Any tattoos: If you're close enough to see em u might as well blow me while you're down there.
SOCIAL LIFE:
1. Eleven girl friends: Sarah, Leigh, Brittany, Elyse, Allie, Danielle, Jillian (NOT SISTER!)
2. Eleven guy friends: Myself, Dave, Grant, Ian, Ian, Andrew, Josh, Steven, Jordan
3. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Imaginary. Neat, huh? Say hello Gretchin! I SAID SAY HELLO BITCH! *cracks whip, gretchin screams in pain, and then moans "hi"*
4. Current crush: rebecca
5. Hobbies: sacrificing virgins to appease the almighy pagan gods and my own sadistic pleasure
6. Pager: page her? I barely know her!
7. Are you center of attention or wallflower: guess...c'mon...GUESS ALREADY!
8. What type of automobile do you drive: a giant rubber boot. It has V17 and 1 bajillion horsepower. It smells rubbery. I love it.
9. what type of automobile do you wish you drove: Chevy Silverado
10. Would you rather be with friends or on a date: on a date with a friend? Wait...no...ick
11. Where is the best hangout: speaking of hanging, I must go polish my guillotine. Kitty has a date with destiny...cause I told him ONE more hairball...
PERSONAL
1. Who is your role model: ME ME ME ME ME!
2. What are your pet peeves: um...lack of good beer and pudding
3. Have you ever been in love: nope
4. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex: they wish
5. Do you have a "type" or person you always go after" lungs, intestine, kidneys, spinal cord, stomach, esophagus, etc...
6. Have you ever lied to your friend(s): it keeps me amused
7. Ever wanted to get revenge on someone: look behind you!
8. Ever been cheated on: *hums quietly to self*
9. Ever said I love you to a significant other: me!
10. Rather be dumper or dumped: dumper...unless I'm constipated, then I might hold it
11. Rather have a relationship or a hookup: I like hooks. Specially pointy ones. Bit pointy ones.Those are fun. POKE POKE POKE!
12. Want someone you don't have right now: come to me cabbage patch kid doll!
13. Ever liked your best guy/girl friend: I like em a lot. Good and smothered in beer and pudding.
14. Do you want to get married: cabbage patch kids are good for you. They relieve...um...stress
15. Do you want kids: if I have leftover gravy. Sure, why not
16. Do you believe in psychics: if they believe in me
17. Do you believe you know the person who you are going to marry in this point in life: cabbage patch kids can be colored purple. Or blue, if you swing that way
18. What is your favorite part of your body: still down there?
19. What is your favorite part of your emotional being: my imaginary girlfriend. GRETCHIN! GET IN HERE WITH MY BEER, BITCH! NOOOW! DON'T MAKE ME GET THE BRANDING IRON!
20. Are you happy with you: I am god. Nuff said
21. Are you happy with your life:did I not say I was god! Your insolence is appalling! *runs and hugs huge cabbage patch kid for comfort, then douses it in a volatile mix of beer and pudding*
22. Are you scared right now: the...walls...closing...in...GRETHCIN! WHERE THE HELL IS MY BEER!
23. Depressed: if only I had my beer...stupid slow bitch
24. If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be: well, I'd LIKE MY BEER!
FAVORITE
1. Sports team: the cultists! Yay!
2. Room in house: the floor...its gets u from place to place...and smells good on certain days of the week
3. Girl's name: claudia
4. Guy's name: mortimer
5. Person to talk to about your problems: satan, he's a good listener, and has cool flames and eternal damnation and stuff like that
6. Songs: wanna hear me sing?
7. Movies: wanna see me dance?
8. Actors/actresses: Barney's cool. I always wanted to see him set on fire. I've also wanted to set him on fire myself. Wouldn't that be fun. Think about it...no escape for the unfortunate chap trapped inside the burning dinosaur flesh...
9. Beverage: BELCH!
10. Candy: candy? eat my shorts.
11. Family member: old one-eye
12. Salad dressing: be sure to avoid those thousand islands
13. Blanket/stuffed animal: well, there's this dead body here. That'll do.
14. Quote from a movie: "AAAAAAAAAAAH!"
15. Day of the week: cookie monster want eat!
16. Color: purple
17. Perfume and cologne: B.O. works wonders with the ladies
18. TV show: magic box with pictures in it! Yaaaaaaaay!
19. Flower: Kentucky fried chicken
20. Fast food place: dead cows and piggies yum yum yum yum yum
21. Game: spank the monkey
22. Teacher: the monkey
23. Love song: spank that monkey all night long...spank that monkey with a *insert imagination here*...
24. Clothing: why does sarah wear the same pants everytime I see her? -cause they're the only pants with pockets big enough to hold my CD player, and I don't bring my backpack to the synagogue Sundays. (Other days I just put my CD player in my backpack.) ~Sarah~
25. Possession: well, if ur still down there u should know
26. Vacation spot: THE BEER N PUDDIN FACOTORY! MOSH!!!!!!!
27. Person to give advice to: you, biotch
28. Person to get advice from: the pixies!
IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU
1. Cried: over spilled milk
2. Bought something: a new slave
3. Gotten sick: yep. There's my lunch...third time I've seen the damn thing today.
4. Sang: in the shower, after molesting the badger
5. Eaten: the badger
6. Been kissed: sure, why not, the badger had a long tongue
7. Felt stupid: nope, but I made sure the badger did
8. Said I love you: it didn't require saying...the badger...understood
9. Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: goddamnit u still can't guess what I did with the fucking badger?
10. Met someone new: the badger...twas a good night at the bar
11. Moved on: a troubled mind is like a sheep, good eatin but not in 37 states
12. Missed an ex: nope, found it, right between W and Y
IF I WERE A ____ I WOULD BE____:
1. Month: Doomsday
2. Day of the week: Friday the 13th
3. Time of day: 13:01
4. Planet: Ur anus
5. Sea animal: I see the animal, u don't have to tell me!
6. Piece of furniture: stool...nutty, brown, and delicious
7. Direction: up up and away!
8. Liquid: naughty...
9. Stone: im stoned, so?
10. Tree: redwood. Kiss my 14 bajillion foot ass
11. Bird: bird poo
12. Flower/plant: a man eating thingy
13. Kind of weather: pleasant, but not too much sauce. It fuins the flavor, u know?
14. Mythical creature: I like super man! His ass walks when he walks
15. Musical instrument: the bone crank
16. Animal: road kill
17. Color: nipple
18. Emotion: blaring horn in traffic
19. Vegetable: couch potato
20. Sound: HARDER! HARDER!
21. Car: hummer...u know...HUMMER...
22. Element: I'd be worth a lot and shiny. Very, very shiny. Very, very, very shiny. Lotsa shiny. Shiny shiny shiny. SHIIIIIINY!
23. Song: singy meesa pleasy?
24. Book, I would be written by: Ms. Kitty Litter.
25. Food: being digested, I hope the flush is fun
26. Place: little corner of my mind called "beerville"
27. Material: beer and pudding
28. Taste: ooooh...this is a good one...I'll buy a vowel!
29. Scent: do I hafta answer in the form of a question?
30. Religion: Poo-ism...trust me...u don't wanna know
31. Body part: well...if ur still down there...and u better be...
32. Facial expression: just plain saucy
33. Subject in school: eyelid examination
34. Cartoon character: bucky or satchel from get fuzzy. I just can't choose. One's a sexy beast and the other is a crotch beating whore. Guess which is which
35. Shape: am I not in Kansas anymore?
36. Number: *yells* STILL DOWN THERE?