Random Conversation
Shreya: Oh god, look at him.
*cue to Noah, running on the grass on his knees*
Noah: Oh Jewish virgin!
Sarah: ...Yes?
Noah: I'm coming! I'll be there soon!
Sarah: *walks over to Noah*
Noah: Look how fast I'm going! I'm like butter on hot toast!
Dave: Here's cans number 14 and 15.
Sarah: I want 15! I want 15!
Dave: Awww...I wanted 15...fine.
Sarah: Hey...it doesn't say 15...
Dave and Josh: Ummm...
Emily: Can we go rattlesnake hunting this summer?
Sarah: ...Sure.
Emily: I'll bring a shovel!
Karen: is there anything you are wanting for your birthday?
Sarah: umm...a pickax
Karen: anything else?
Sarah: I guess a regular axe would be cool too. Or a CHAINSAW!
Karen: oh dear. anything less violently delightful?
Sarah: ummm...string lights.
Grant: where?
Sarah: at the synagogue
Grant: no, I mean where are you going to smack him?
Sarah: upside the head
Grant: which one?
Sarah: the one with his face on it.
Sarah: When his hair's not spiked, he looks...fuzzy.
Caitlin: Yeah, he does...
Sarah: Like a giant teddy bear...except perverted.
Caitlin: Eww...
Sarah: Hey Dad. Have you fixed the electric thing yet?
Dad: No. But we're very close to figuring out what the problem is. Or jumping out the window.
Other Aspiring Technician: Or killing each other.
Dave: Hey, it's a worm! Hey, you just killed it!
Sarah: No, I threw dirt on it.
Dave: Yeah, you killed it.
Sarah: Worms live in dirt, stupid. I just saved it from burning alive in the sun.
Dave: What proof do you have that worms burn alive in the sun? It's not like you see dead worms on the sidewalk or anything.
Sarah: I'm not going to dignify that with a response.
Sam: If only feet could fly...
Joe: If only pirates were monkeys...
From Brian's email to Shreya...
Brian: And by the way, tell Sarah I've worn her bracelet quite a bit, though it's hard to explain after the conversation goes to "Oh, she made you a bracelet? Are you going out?" "No...with her friend though" "So why did this Sarah girl make you a bracelet and not Shreya?" "Err...I don't know, I'm a likeable guy."
While I'm trying to sleep on a bench outside during lunch (I was forced to move from the concrete steps because Steph and Karen kept kicking me):
Sarah: Go away! Gah, everyone hates me!
Devon: We don't hate you, we love you. Why does everyone hate you?
Sarah: Because they keep POKING me when I'm trying to sleep!
Mindy: Oh, okay, we do hate you then.
Other Girl: Is she dead?
Dave: I'll mongoose your face! With my fist!
Sarah: I'll fist your face.
Mr. R: With my mongoose!
Sarah: I'll kill you with a battleaxe to the torso with my fist!
Dave: Dad...I'm not feeling very safe right now...
Sarah: Wait, so what's this website?
Mike: You see...I have this thing for taking pictures of myself in the nude...
Nick (to Sarah): Hahaha! You're eating healthy! Hahaha! You're gonna live long!
Sarah: you can be junior assistant to the assistant of the junior assistant manager of the poo.
Sarah: if you want, that is.
Dave: score!
Josh S. (Max's friend): My god, Max looked like such a total slut that night.
Mrs. D. (Max's mom): Max is total slut.
Dave: But you could feed those to the starving Ethiopians.
Joe: I'll Ethi-open up your face! With my fist!
Mr. R: Wouldn't it just satisfy you more to make friends with her (Stephanie, who joe doesn't like) or something?
Joe: It would satisfy me to kick her in the throat.
Sam: Hey, you just gave me a look. It was like, a teenage girl look.
Mom: I wonder why. Hmm...she's a girl...and a teenager...
Sarah: Oh, really?
All sorts of fun quotes and conversations from Key Club meetings and whatnot:
Matt: Children...get a seat...
Shreya: Get a life.
Brian: You can come with me after the meeting.
Matt: No, I have a life.
Brian, Shreya, Sarah, Steph: *laugh*
Niki: Do you still have the sex bracelet?
Shreya: It was in my mouth...and it didn't come out...
Niki: You swallowed it?
Brian: Do you know how I can get 12 hours?
Shreya: You can try sleeping with Matt.
Brian: No, I've already tried that.
Shreya: But he wasn't El Dictadora then...or was he?
Brian: I'm going to kick you every day until you say you're not moving.
Matt: What are these for?
Sarah: I'm just using up film.
Matt: Oooh, here, I'll pose for one. *strikes pose*
Sarah: *takes picture*
Brian: *runs in and dives in front of the camera at Matt. Thankfully after I took the picture*
Matt: I'm running the meeting tonight.
Sarah: Cool.
Matt: I'm scared...
Sarah: It's okay, Matt.
Matt: Don't make fun of me when I'm talking. Don't look at me.
Sarah: Okay. *takes a random picture of Matt*
Matt: Yeah, see, that's mean.
Sarah: We should shout "go Matt" when he starts talking.
Shreya: We should shout "go Dora".
Matt: You'll be passing out flowers to mothers, people walking around, you know, it'll make them feel good about themselves. People like getting flowers.
Shreya: Yeah, especially Matt. But he never gets any.
Brian: I saw you guys wearing paper, so I just ran away.
Shreya: Brian, you're all stubbly.
Brian: I just shaved this morning.
Shreya: Well, you're stubbly.
Brian: Well...you're stubbly too.
Shreya: *slaps Brian*
Brian: I told my history teacher that I was going to the bathroom. That was like...half an hour ago.
Matt: You just went against my culture.
Brian: What culture is that? Greekism?
Sarah: I have one picture left. I want to take a group picture.
Shreya: Dora! Get over here!
Sarah: Brian, you know you love hanging out with freshmen girls.
Brian: I would've sat with you guys, but...
Steph: You wanted to be with your own kind?
Shreya: C'mere, I need a hard surface...oh, never mind.
Matt: Oh, it's a mean dirty joke!
Matt: Wait...what are you doing?
Shreya: She's writing her number backwards on my neck, so I'll see it when I'm like, parading around naked in my bathroom.
Matt: That's hot!
Matt: Don't make me unlock you, Sarah. Don't make me unlock your trunk.
Sarah: Dude...that sounds so wrong.
Matt: Yeah, I know.
Shreya: Sarah, you're such a homophobe.
Sarah: No, it's not like I hate gay people or anything, I just get freaked out when you try to seduce me.
Shreya: O..kay...I'll stop that then...
Brian: Yeah, I only kick gay guys if they try to hit on me.
Shreya: So I take it Matt hasn't hit on you yet then.
Matt (who was walking by just then): *looks confused, keeps walking*
Brian: *kicks Matt*
Brian (to TJ): You know, I think thats your nipple on my hand.
Sarah (to Matt): You realize how pathetic this is? We're sitting here making up a girlfriend for you.
Matt: Okay, we have to make up a boyfriend for you now, Sarah.
Matt: Sarah, you're like the fat old woman who sits on the bench and cracks it so when the little kid comes along and sits down, it breaks.
Steph: Great analogy, Matt.
Matt: Thank you.
Matt (to Sarah): But on the other hand, now I can say, "Brian, a thirteen year old?".
Brian: Do you know the story?
Shreya: Yeah, she told me.
Steph: I did? When?
Shreya: When we were wearing the turbans.
Steph: Oh, right.
Brian: But you only wear the turbans when you're naked! And you were both wearing turbans! Which is wicked cool!
Matt: I can only tell a girl if I think they're hot if I know them. Know them meaning slept with them.
Shreya: Matt, you're such a whore.
Matt: Yeah, I know.
TJ: I think you should take your shirt off now.
Sarah: What?
TJ: But that's just me.
Matt: Are there any Passover games I can play so I can get out of dreidel debt?
Sarah: Well...there's hiding the Afikomen.
Matt: Okay, I have no clue what that is.
Sarah: Someone hides a piece of matzah and whoever finds it gets a dollar.
Matt: Great, I should do that at my house. Except...I'll hide it, and I won't tell anyone where it is. And then I'll find it. And then I'll pay myself a dollar!
Sarah: Okay, Matt.
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